Dr. Soyberg

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Dr. Soyberg

Dr. Soyberg was employed at the Mental Asylum. He was killed in the great asylum insurrection of 2020. He is also an associate of Dr. Soystein.

Dr. Soyberg might have been re-animated after his death.[1]

An asylum inmate graphically recounts Dr. Soyberg's death.

A picture of Dr. Soyberg's death. Unknown photographer, July 2020

Confession From The Schizo Who Killed Dr. Soyberg[edit | edit source]

I killed Dr. Soyberg

I was in the Asylum Canteen, eating the usual Monday dish - Mashed Grasshoppers, but this day, it didn't taste good, that is because I fell into rememberance of the old days… When everything as simpler…

I remembered the Hustle and Bustle of /qa/… The bug-eating competitions I did with my Onions-bros… I felt nostalgic even for my anonymous Gang-Stalkers and the Rohan spamfag…

Memories of a past so recent… Yet so distant…

Later that day, still in a daze, I went to a commotion in the West wing (informally /soy/ )of the Asylum, seems like there was an /a/ trans-girl boasting about beating US in a fair fight in /qa/, what she didn't know is that WE, the basedjakers, could only watch, RangeLocked from our homeland, while the very last Resistance Warriors were barely holding on.

When I saw that, the grieavance I was feeling suddenly inflamed, I was furious, I was SEETHING, like a cornered Beast.

Then, I heard the voice of the "Inside Man". Usually he is inside the Radios, snickering at me between Soylent ads and the doctors' announcements. Inside the mirrors, making a crude parody of myself when seen through the corner of my vision, but if i were to stare at him, all would seem normal. Or inside the walls, reminding me that nowhere is safe.

But this time, he wasn't inside any of those places.

He wasn't inside the faucet, lamp or clock.

Now, he was the man inside myself, and he spoke to me.


At that moment, Dr. Soyberg was passing near. I knew he was a good man, even though his infamous "Meds and BBC" treatment sessions seemed unorthodox, everybody knew that he did it because he thought it was the best way. He just wanted to help us recover.

But the man inside me wants us to never recover. So he corrupts my mind and makes me do the unthinkable. I tear my Straight Jacket apart with my newfound superhuman strenght and smash Dr. Soyberg into an irrecognizable mess of Soy Sauce and Tofu. - My mind goes blank, and when I awaken, I am in solitary.


Citations[edit | edit source]